Are BlAck Men Checking 4 Us?

Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

Things in life are never just black or white…They are many shades in between, so before you make a snap judgement consider what’s going on around you…everyone is fighting some battle of their own and it’s not all about you.

~Karen Kastyla

I am married to a mixed man (1/2 German & 1/2 Black), he identifies with both black and white interest, whatever that means. He has told me he doesn’t believe I like white people. I laughed so hard because the first thought of mine was to list the number of white people I considered friends. When white folk do this society uses it as a way to further prove that said person is racist. My response to him was the skepticism and lack of trust I have for white people has come from my own life experiences. In one of those experiences I witnessed his mother call him a “nigger”..he says she didn’t mean it that way. In my mind it didn’t matter if she meant it or not, why did she choose that word? How could she not imagine I’d be offended? Could his mother be upset that her son loves a woman that looks nothing like her?

Could it be the fact her son procreated and married a woman with velvety chocolaty skin? I won’t insinuate she doesn’t have any other reason to not like me but her use of the word “nigger” but singed my heart. I was roughly fifteen at the time. I’d experienced racism before but not in this manner. The craziest part is her son treats me like a Goddess, a Queen, I couldn’t be more satisfied at how he treats me as his wife. Which makes it hard for me when I hear single woman bash black men or as my mother says sarcastically where are the black men? Oh they are out there.

A man will only treat you how you let him.


How my mother and I got on the topic of black men I have no idea. Let her tell i t they are either broke, weak, gay or chasing women. A forty something friend of mine secretly feels black men prefer woman of other races over black woman. When I listen to these two woman who say this I often flashback to the black men that did want them that they made fun of or passed over based on an inability to dress or being cheap. I’ll take a cheap man over no man, I’ll shop with coupons for a frugal man that can’t dress. LOL. In our conversations they say oh you don’t understand cause you are married. LOL. I don’t understand because the man I have isn’t perfect, in fact he could use help in many areas. But catch this so can I. I chose to marry my husband because of the core values he has that matter most to ME, he treats me right, he’s dependable and values family. In my experience, the bad boys, guys that can dress, guys with all that swag are the ones that turn out to lack core values. I guess my question to black women is have you given the black men that have approached you a fair chance?

Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

I know I have. LOL. I have rode shotgun with a bad boy, played hide and go get it with a playa, gave some sugar to a sugar daddy, and remained loyal to a friend with benefits but somewhere in between I realized what I was searching for in those men didn’t exist. They could only please one part of me. If I could do some witchcraft and take a piece of personality from each of them to build the perfect man, my ass still wouldn’t be happy. LOL. He’d be too perfect. LOL. On a serious note the black man who isn’t 6’5′,’ needs me to pick out his clothes, has what I’d call white boy swag, doesn’t have the biggest penis but gives fellatio like some ninja out of a Zane book truly cares for me. That is what works for me. I’d like black women to open their minds, and hearts when it comes to black men. Black men aren’t perfect and neither are we. Black men are checking for us I’ve had several at one time, so have you mom. Give a brother a chance, if they blow it then they blow it, don’t discredit the whole group.

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